Totally Awesome Strumpeteering Gosling-Tamer Celebrity Date Attempt: Emma Stone

Easy A, celebrity, date

Emma,

Hi, hope everything is going well. I’m actually trying to book a flight right now and apparently whatever cruel demons inhabit the eastern hemispheric internet (I live in Beijing) have decided that I will not be going to Malaysian Borneo for Spring Festival as my repeated (and increasingly desperate/furious) attempts to correct information, optimize entry fields, double and triple check every bit of data entered have all……well obviously they all got shut down with error messages and I don’t have a ticket, or I wouldn’t have launched into at least a hundred words of foreshadowing so now I’m just being redundant and predictable.

Also, that’s probably a bit overwrought, a tad melodramatic. I’ll just call Malaysian Airlines tomorrow and book over skype and everything will be fine. There’s no drama in that though, and thus no real reason for me to even discuss it. So in order to validate the ordeal as a topic worthy of discussion I have to essentially lie about its immediacy or severity and manufacture the drama myself.

I’m a white middle class male, I have first world problems, and mememememe basically.

Anyway, how are you? Would you like to go on a date? How about a ‘Milk Run’ in Papua New Guinea? What’s a ‘Milk Run’, you might be thinking to yourself. Well, a ‘Milk Run’ is an easy, flak-free bombing run that flight crews actually enjoy as depicted in Joseph Heller’s classic bestseller, Catch-22. ‘Milk Runs’ are also this, from the Papua New Guinea Wikitravel page:

‎”Flightseeing is a word that should have been coined here. If you can afford it, just flying around some of the remote airstrips is an adventure in itself. There are strips that seem impossibly short, strips that seem to end with a mountain, strips where if you don’t take off in time you will plunge into a ravine, and airstrips surrounded on three sides by water. From Port Moresby you don’t have to fly far to get the experience. There are flights to villages on the Kokoda trail and others in the Owen Stanley mountain range in Central Province and you can fly a scheduled circuit or ‘milk run‘ in one morning, although you will have to be at the airport by 5:00 a.m. Fane, Ononge and Tapini strips are particularly scary. Remember your life insurance.”

If you’re not really down for terrifying plane landings/departures in a be-jungled island outback then maybe some Taiwanese barbeque, Chuan’r, or Hotpot and 大量的啤酒. Yes, I just asked you out over the internet. Let me know!

Cheers,

Devin

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