Controversial Retro-Aesthete Indie Secret-Showing Celebrity Date Attempt: Lana Del Rey

Hi Lana,

I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date. Deli sandwiches or some other light lunch fare on a rooftop terrace? If you’re thinking, “that sounds like a relaxing, low-key, enjoyable idea,” you would be right! It would be all of those things.

So, I don’t think its possible for me to escape the latent controversy regarding your rapid rise to the alt and indie foreground. Am I asking you out because you’re attractive? Is my invite based on something as shallow as your newfound celebrity?

No, not only for those reasons. I am also asking you out because I think it would be a great deal of fun, whiling away the afternoon on dining and conversation.

Am I guilty of perpetuating and actively participating in the crass objectification critics attribute to the somewhat commercial nature of your stylistic reinvention? Yes, perhaps. As a near totally uninterested observer of the ongoing skirmishes being fought across the pedantically articulate taste-maker frontiers of the socio-musical blogosphere it seems unavoidable to appear otherwise though, considering especially the nature of my request.

(Note: I find it ironic that so much of the discontent, from either side, is invested most heavily in your appearance, leaving, apparently, very little room for discussion about how you sound or your artistic and performance ability.)

Anyway, specious claims of ‘inauthenticity’ and more legitimate analysis related to the dynamics of contemporary gender issues aside, I think it would be really awesome to hang out. Just let me know ahead of time if you want to do something, I’m in China right now which would necessitate a bit of planning. An unfortunate fact, I know, ad hoc activities are always more fun.

I guess that’s it, keep rockin’.

Cheers,

Devin

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