Sharp Tongued Wonkette Blogger/Commentator/Author/Journalist? Celebrity Date Attempt: Kirsten Boyd Johnson

wonkette

Kirsten,

This is Devin Howard, you don’t know me, but my picture is below. I realize that including a picture of myself probably invokes a lot of internet dating stereotypes and hot-or-not narcissistic obsession, but I’ve included it simply to prove that I am not a hunchbacked internet troll addicted to anti-narcoleptics and code red. I am a fully functioning, socially integrated, hippie liberal neo-progressivist locavore communist traitor living in Beijing who just happens to read your pieces on Wonkette frequently.

A note about his photo: I apparently chugged a pint of some kind of brownish liquor in Taipei, Taiwan. Irresponsible? Yes, absolutely. On the plus side however, it indicates I’m well traveled – which may or may not be considered a positive characteristic in the face of such sophomoric disregard.

Did you know that traditional Chinese characters are used in Taiwan and simplified in mainland China? See, proof of my cosmopolitanism.

So, hey, I was wondering if, maybe, perchance, you’d like to grab some food one evening, and that we could call this activity a ‘date’? I know this sounds ridiculous but your snark-laden, adjectivally brilliant invective is a thing of beauty, which is pretty cool, so I thought I’d ask.

Some of my recent favorites: “the bizarre human-size skid mark Bradlee Dean,” “Screeching famewhore Joe Walsh,” “the zombie army of hillbilly barbie dolls elected by Teabaggers,” “Frothing gremlin mosh pit ‘the Tea Party Caucus”. Awesome.

You may have a boyfriend, if so……hmmm, I’d still go to dinner with you is all I’m saying.

Well I guess that’s pretty much it. Keep writing awesome stuff, for it is hilarious.

Cheers,

Devin

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