Highly Accomplished, Talented, Descendant of the Polish, Actress Celebrity Date Attempt: Scarlett Johansson

Hi Scarlett,

My name is Devin Howard. Would you like to go on a date? With me?

I would’ve asked on a postcard but that might’ve been a little weird, although how much weirder it is to physically mail a date invitation letter to a famous individual than via electronic means I have no idea. Plus, is it even possible for someone like me to ask out a celebrity without sounding ridiculous anyway? I doubt it.

I still think the weirdness level would be higher for actual postage though.

Speaking of post cards, I’m living in China right now and have been writing them furiously, somewhere close to 30 in a month and a half. I’m not sure if that would be a ‘furious’ pace for a Civil War colonel or an enlightenment Gentleman or a Baroness or Duchess of some sort – all those characters could really burn through parchment and stationary, but for me, yeah, wow, that’s a fair clip.

What’s strange about stamp-and-envelope communication, especially in this day and age of instantaneous everything, is that I can see how outsiders and maybe even the recipient (depending on how close you are to that person) might think the sender is somewhat of an asshole, or at least trying to be cleverly retro but straying deep into painful cliché territory.

I’m not trying to be a hipster is what I’m saying.

I just really enjoy sending handwritten notes because, personally, I think it adds a touch of intimacy and warmth to an otherwise emotionally distant world of back lit screens and careening electrons. It is hard to idealize an email in the same manner as a letter. Doesn’t the word ‘letter’ even sound richer with its soft vowels?

Went on a rambling spree there. Regardless of the implications, I’ll most likely keep writing postcards as often as possible.

I don’t know, perhaps I worry too much. Chalk it up to the vagaries of individual perception I guess.

So anyway, deli sandwiches and craft pints sometime? Just let me know. In case you were wondering I actually am normal, or as normal as is possible. Maybe normative is the better word.




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