What I’m Doing Right Now

I am listening to La Roux “Bulletproof” while working my way, from right to left, through 13 or so browser tabs containing articles of varying lengths and topics. I am loading three documentary film trailers in Youtube tabs because the VPN I use to dodge Chinese url censors is excruciatingly slow. I’m thinking about this hotel room. How, despite being comfortable, spacious, and filled with modern appliances it might be the most lonely room I’ve ever encountered. How living here for ten days is going to be awful due to the fact that the room embodies a modern nomadic lifestyle that leaves many people adrift in Jack Daniels and infidelity. I am thinking that this room is fucking lonely.

I just looked up the word ‘grok’ – it means to ‘intimately and completely share a reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual identity.’ I had no idea what ‘grok’ meant until I clicked that wiki-link. Maybe I’m a n()()b.

I’m thinking that I’ve grown to hate the pronoun ‘I’. As someone who spends a great deal of time professing the importance of other people, and lauding policies and policy makers that emphasize communal aid and re-distributive policies over individualistic frameworks the frequency with which I use I is disconcerting.

I realize that self-examination is incredibly important, not only for the relationship of one to oneself, but for relationships made with other, external selves, also known as ‘other people.’ I can’t get away from ‘I’ though and its starting to worry me because I would really hate to get lost in a sea of self-reflective abstraction. I really don’t ever want to be as much of an asshole as that would make me.

Ironic I ramble about all that in a post entitled such as this, but thats what I’m doing.


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