Secretarial Improve Comedy Goddess Celebrity Date Attempt: Ellie Kemper

The Office, Ellie, Bridesmaids

Hi! Ellie! I didn’t know you went by Ellie until a chance encounter with a Gawker article, how about that. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you’d like to go out sometime. Where? Wherever you want (that I could afford (unless you’re paying then wherever is totally fine (why all these nested parentheses? (you’ve got me, just couldn’t stop)))). Anyway, you’re successful and becoming more so and I am about as undistinguished as they come, just some irresponsible mid-twenties blahhhhhblahblah living in beijing right now, so I here is my honest to god CV, résumé, accounting of my accomplishments, so hit me up if my illustrious record thus far on the planet earth seems to support a theory that I’d be a fun dinner companion (maybe not date, lets avoid careless throwing around of labels).

See how I cleverly disguised my 2.8 overall GPA at UNC-Chapel Hill by only including major GPA’s? Creative right? I know. Also, anybody can appreciate all that nonsense fluff I included under the positions I’ve held, especially considering I could have easily substitued, in almost every case, about 5 or so words, total. I’m proficient in Office! I bet there are Sherpas at base camp with more proficiency with MS Office than I can rightfully claim.

So, yep, there it is. Not sure when I’ll be back in that glorious plutocratic police-state I call America, but when that happens, lets get dinner.




One comment

  1. Pingback: Secretarial Improve Comedy Goddess Celebrity Date Attempt: Ellie … | JustPOINT

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