Duty Free

So I am sitting in the Toronto international terminal, waiting for my flight to Beijing and eating what tastes like a three day old roast beef sandwich and drinking diet coke (regular drinks go straight to my hips). To my left is a blindingly well lit Duty Free shop with lots of steel, glass, and mirrored display cases loaded down with supposedly cheap luxury items, because, obviously, shaving a small sales tax off the total makes such a purchase immediately affordable, a steal even.

But I was wondering, has anyone, at any point in time, been hurrying to their gate, or just killing time before a flight and thought, “I really need some duty free Swarovski crystal right now. I need it so bad that I’m going to buy a crystal animal figurine or a lighting accent right. now.” Somehow I doubt it. Somehow I think that if you were to do such a thing, and then tell the person to whom you give this gift (last minute emergency present buying is the only scenario I can think of for buying fucking crystals from an airport) the story behind their new sparkly hand-cut swan or whatever, they would probably be fairly pissed that you A) bought crystal, B) obviously were in last-minute-oh-shit-what-do-buy-desperation, and C) you didn’t go with a half gallon of brand name alcohol instead.

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