Currently Red Haired Gossip Maven Celebrity Date Attempt: Blake Lively

blake, lively, gossip girl

Hi Blake, whats up. First of all, love the name, as a guy with a girl name (Devin) I’ve always had kind of an amateur interest in names and how personal appellations translate into preconceptions, self-conceptions and interactions between the two. Of course, Devin isn’t really a girl’s name, Devon is, and by invoking the gender dynamics of patronymics (or matronymics, whatever the case may be) I might be exceeding the purpose of such an informal letter. So let me start again.

Hi Blake, my name is Devin Howard and I am writing to ask you out on a date. Or just to dinner, or just a conversation. Its whatever really. To be honest you’re like the 15th celebrity I’ve asked out, so maybe I’m not even asking you out on a ‘date’, lets just hang out some evening and drink coffee and talk about movie adaptations of Tennessee Williams plays, or misallocation of public funds, or how incredibly awesome time-lapse film of the night sky is.

We could also buy some roman candles and shoot them in dramatic fashion off a rooftop somewhere while we laugh and agree that the universe is an impersonal and fickle thing but at the same time that life is really beautiful and a big silly mess of joy and sadness.

The only problem I see with that idea is that it’s probably illegal to set off fireworks within the city of wherever we found this imagined roof top, not that the entire idea, from start to finish, would be an insufferable blend of tired cliché and melodrama.

You might ask yourself why an indisputably average guy living in central North Carolina would ask out celebrity women in an equally indisputable testimony to delusions of grandeur, there are three primary reasons:

  1. Boredom
  2. It’s a creative challenge trying to make each of these distinct
  3. I can’t think of anything else besides ‘why not?’ but that kind of makes me look like a jackass so I’m not going to use it.

Whew, that was a lot of sound and fury to communicate an unsurprisingly small amount of usable information. I admit I have never seen your show or anything televised that you have been a part of, but from the trickle down information/gossip I’ve encountered you seem pretty cool, which is why I’m asking if you’d like to do something one evening.

Maybe over seafood?

Anyway, keep rocking, stay awesome.

Cheers,

Devin Howard

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One comment

  1. cassiebehle

    I like this more than just hitting the “like” button, so sending a comment your way. Gave me a case of the inward giggles. Sitting in a quiet office setting, you know.

    …prolly should get back to work, now that I think about it.

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