An Open Letter to the Kochs

Mr. And Mr. Koch, after reading about your efforts to dismantle AB 32 in California I just wanted to write and express how thankful I am. For your tireless efforts to undermine anything resembling a fair and egalitarian society, for your inexplicably dissonant position on climate change (you are both chemical engineers, correct?), for your antipathy regarding poor people, women and infants, and your total disregard for the possibility that structural or institutional barriers to success actually affect the lives of individuals.

Oh sure, I know you two have donated all kinds of money to philanthropies and charities, and that you sit on various boards of trustees and attend black tie affairs quite regularly and such. I totally understand the need for a manicured, curated appearance preemptively defending you against accusations of utter misanthropy, skullduggery, or the absence of an immortal soul. It will prove a very intelligent investment I’m sure.

I’m thanking you for all this stuff because, quite frankly, it’s inspiring. Few, if any, people have marshaled the dedication and fervent, simmering hostility towards progressive values and democratic governance that you two have managed to sustain for years now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be that passionate – about anything!

Beyond the sheer, charismatic, sadistic, dystopian obsession with demolishing forever your political enemies (underclass weaklings), you’ve done so in an intelligent, artistic, ruthlessly cunning fashion. Think tanks, political lackeys, lobbyists, shell companies; all of this orchestrated strategically within temporal, geographical, and social-trending parameters. All efforts that have managed to convince the suffering masses that the orthodox, quasi-theocratic political ideology you subscribe to actually includes concern about their desires, aspirations, or basic human needs! Gutsy, audacious, terrifying, effective, I mean this whole campaign just gets two giant thumbs up from me for masterful execution. A truly virtuosic performance.

So as I watch your unholy war against the foundational, and revolutionary, ideals upon which this country was founded, I just want to say in finality that I also completely understand your desire for less responsive government. Nice move, by the way, renaming ‘concentration of power’ ‘smaller government’. How could you possibly secure lucrative and exclusive contracts with municipalities and states by diminishing in reach the only institution capable of legitimizing the exercise of ruling power, the state apparatus? Uh, you couldn’t, so just co-opt it!

Again, brilliant sirs. All that money being spent wastefully on the well being of a population when it could be shunted into corporate bureaucracy and executive salaries. That’s almost 12% of the entire GDP of the US being spent on the vulgar throngs of plebian scum breathing up your air and assaulting your sense of propriety with their notions of ‘community’ and ‘shared responsibility’. Ha! Right? What a fucking joke.

So anyway, take care, you two. Try to relax some and take a break from assaulting fundamental notions of human decency; I’ve heard that kind of thing is bad for the soul. Fantastic for the wallets though, amen.


Devin Howard


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