Attack of the Showing, Daily Show Corresponding Celebrity Date Attempt: Olivia Munn

Hi Olivia, my name is Devin Howard and I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner sometime. I doubt I can totally avoid coming across as just one among the faceless jabbering horde which is the internet, so I won’t spend a great deal of time preemptively defending my character, but I will say that I am totally uninterested in: the V22 Osprey, ‘realism’ as a theoretical strategic framework, big game hunting, or Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell and big game hunting are tied for dead last among things I believe make the world a better place, and Jim DeMint.

Do I actually believe you’ll respond to this? No, not really. Am I even sure this letter isn’t just a clumsy affirmation of my own immaturity and the mutually dehumanizing process of celebrity idolization and objectification in America? Hmmmm, again not really. I’m still throwing it out there though, that maybe you’d want to get a bite to eat. My vote is for paella and sangria, or cheap American lager, I usually just drink whatever’s on special anyway.

No rush, just let me know when you have a chance. Entering data for subsistence pay is slowly tranquilizing all the golden sunshine aspirations that 4 years of college and 2 years of graduate school and 49 thousand dollars brought me so my schedule is pretty much wide open.

Good luck with everything, stay awesome.

Cheers,

Devin Howard

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