Last summer, while I was traveling in Southeast Asia, I got hammered one night on Baijiu which is a gag inducingly strong rice whiskey and I decided to start asking celebrities out on dates. I’ve never sent multiple requests and I try to completely avoid creepiness although that probably isn’t possible to achieve in an absolute fashion. This is what I posted on a facebook page purportedly for Zooey Deschanel and/or her fans. This is a obviously a little out of date (I’m 26 now), but whatevs. Oh, also, I had no idea she was married when I sent this, seriously. Whats either ironic or hypocritical about this whole juvenile lark is that I’m not into ‘celebrity’ culture, i.e. obsessing over the celebrity lifestyle. Anyway, heres what I wrote:
Hey Zooey, if you’re free sometime after July 22 wanna watch Wet Hot American Summer or Airplane, maybe Spaceballs? The thing is, is that I’m in Southeast-Asia right now and will be flying out of Thailand next Wednesday or I’d be able to do it sooner. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself first, I’m Devin Howard (as you can see), and I’m basically just a 25 year old escape artist at the moment who hopes desperately that a job exists for someone who invested all of their formal education in the humanities. I enjoy playing sports, flyfishing, listening to an eclectic musical spectrum running (on one end) from post war gospel/blues to (on the other end) prog rock with soaring metal arias, and also riding dirtbikes. Anyway, I’m a pretty laid back dude, possess a modest degree of education and organic intelligence, and can hold my own in most social situations, so if you wanna chill sometime just let me know. Keep rockin’.