A grinding halt


I am convinced that the US is polarized beyond repair. If an asteroid was on course to destroy the country in 2 years there would be no consensus or unified resolve to deal with the cause of imminent destruction: asteroid impact. Instead, Republicans would blame Democrats for “slashing defense expeditures and leaving us unprepared” while Democrats would cower like sissies and try and dodge blame instead of doing anything. Some democrats would echo criticism of the administration hoping to pick up moderate votes. Rush Limbaugh would blame radical environmentalists for tractor beaming an asteroid towards America. Sarah Palin would call the asteroid a consequence of socialism. Joe Biden would say, on national television, that 80-90% casualties were expected, that starvation conditions would breed widespread cannibalism, and that any survivors would be trapped in a horrendous nightmare of cruelty and deprivation. CNN would run nonstop programming for 2 years without actually communicating a single usable piece of information, most of this material would be called “special report”s or “special investigation”s. Fox News would continue to slander anything remotely liberal or democratic. Scientists would patiently explain options, potential side effects, and strategies to minimize loss of life – nobody would listen. Pat Robertson would claim, as always, that it was God’s vengeance upon America for its decadence and for the existence of homosexuality. John Kerry would demand a committee be set up to choose a committee of experts to research and prepare a report for consideration. The Project for the New American Century and The Heritage Foundation would both consider this report a biased, dangerous, secret plot by a cadre of influential liberals to enact progressive social change under the guise of asteroid avoidance. China would build massive underground silos to save the exact number of people necessary to recolonize America and to keep their industrial output at expected post-disaster peak demand. Wall Street trading firms would instantly place short and long bets on a variety of positions in accordance with sophisticated models of the global economy following impact, corporate headquarters would then be moved abroad. 60% of the American population would describe the asteroid as a “bad thing”. 57% would agree that it was god’s punishment for the way we’ve been living. 3% would cite proposals from the scientific and engineering communities regarding possible solutions. 40% would blame Islam. A full third, 33% of the country, would be unaware that an asteroid was approaching until less than a week before the event. 97% would be able to list 3 personalities from Jersey Shore.

After the near total destruction of the US, 45% of survivors and their descendants would say that “the government didn’t do enough to stop asteroids.”

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