Text of my date request to Amber Heard, 406/neighbor/zombie from Zombieland and playing one of the lead roles, Chenault, in the upcoming Rum Diary. This text is a little different than the facebook request as comments limit characters to 1,000. This is the full version that I’m sending to TMZ to see if they would forward it to her for me. We’ll see.
“Hey Amber, what up what up. I trust everything is going superbly and excitingly along, or I hope. If not then just remember that frowning takes more muscles than smiling, or something like that. I just read that the Rum Diary is in post production, which is awesome. I didn’t check the cast, but you’ve got to playing Chenault, which must be a pretty intense role. I read the book this summer while I was traveling in Vietnam (yeah, I was traveling in Southeast Asia, it was a dangerous, adventurous foray into the exotic far east, land of ancient tradition and stunning beauty….ok, that’s actually not true and is somewhat reminiscent of ethnocentric travel writing in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. Most of Southeast Asia is actually quite developed and caters heavily to tourists so it wasn’t really dangerous at all and my use of ‘exotic’ is probably considered a pejorative so I’ll retract that).
What I was going to ask you was: would you want to go on a date sometime? I know I’m a stranger but I’m a pretty cool person to have a conversation with. I possess an esoteric range of knowledge; for example: biological processes, wilderness conservation, space exploration, Indie music, international politics, and guerilla art, among others. I was also on a club fencing team, can juggle, and was at one time in the top 1000 Halo 2 players in the world, word. So yeah, lets get some dinner and just talk it up one evening, how do you feel about crop subsidies in the US? I know an awesome Korean joint in DC and have friends in New York that can point out some trendy, amazingly good restaurants. I mean, if you’re near either of those areas any time soon. I guess that’s it, keep rockin’, stay awesome, good luck – all those valedictions.
Let me know.